Photo by Anna Kolosyuk on Unsplash
In our previous article about the self-love myth, we insisted that self-love isn’t necessarily the best way to conceptualize the road to better mental health and wellness. That’s because being in a constant state of loving oneself completely may not be a reasonable goal, especially for those who struggle with emotional regulation and those with a poor and unstable sense of self resulting from years of unmet needs and adverse childhood experiences that affected their socio-emotional development [1].
Even for those who got through their childhoods and adolescence relatively unscathed, self-love can still be challenging, since we live in an era in which there is pressure to meet a number of idealistic goals. Such pressure results in a culture of always doing and chasing at something, and we become anxious about whether we’ll ever ‘make it’, equating the things we accomplish to who we are. Mistaking the work we do as our self-worth in turn leads to a sense of helplessness, worthlessness, and low self-esteem [2].
Another thing that makes self-love hard is that when we face challenges that don’t have a quick fix (due to their nature of mostly being outside our control), instead of trying to understand (with love) what underlies our dissatisfaction and what can still be done, our first instinct might be to blame ourselves for the dissatisfaction we feel i.e. if only I were; if only I could, especially for those with a history of having been bullied [3]. Moreover, just by watching the news, we develop a sense that we live in pretty uncertain times both politically and economically— anxiety therefore being more likely to take center stage in our minds as compared to a state of calm, confidence, and self-love [4].
Nonetheless, all the above doesn’t translate into the fact that practicing self-love is useless. In fact, just trying to get in touch with the part of ourselves that wants the best for ourselves has its benefits…and “just because it don’t come easily, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try”, sang Bruno Major in his song Easily. The same goes for self-love: self-love may be difficult to do, but trying to cultivate it benefits us still, even for those with a mental health diagnosis [5]. That’s because self-love encourages us to see ourselves completely, accept ourselves as we are, and to honor our individuality: by getting us to recognize and value our strengths, weaknesses, victories, and challenges while simultaneously asking us to strive for personal growth, self-love contributes to our psychological well-being because it’s essentially centered around prioritizing oneself— and we need to prioritize ourselves for the sake of our mental wellness (yet another way to prioritize ourselves is to seek help when we need it such as by attending psychotherapy).
Indeed, self-love—the “active practice of accepting, caring for, and encouraging oneself” [5]— is a good thing, and it’s time to cultivate it by practicing it intentionally. Let the following self-love tips guide you:
In her book, Dr. Shainna Ali makes it clear that self-care is actually a component of self-love. Without self-care, self-love cannot exist. So pay attention to what you eat, get sufficient rest, and exercise, remembering too that exercise is a celebration of what the body can do, not a punishment for what you ate (though there’s more to self-care than just physical self-care: there’s emotional, social, spiritual, personal, financial, work, home environment) [6]. By taking steps to meet our personal needs and actively care for our wellness, we make ourselves more and more resilient even before a challenge pops up to test us, ready to tackle them with a compassionate mind and a loving headspace. Indeed, talking to and about ourselves with love is also a good place to start practicing self-love [7]. For example, do you speak to yourself in a critical voice when something doesn’t go your way and put yourself down often (it might also help to notice when you tend to do so most)?
Even if you tend to be really busy, it’s important for you to schedule in time to do things you find relaxing because you’re only human, and humans need time away from things that are demanding to the mind and body so that energy can be restored— not just for the sake of productivity in the long run, but also for the sake of protecting you from depression and burnout, which can lead to job dissatisfaction too [8]. On a slightly different but related note, a digital detox may be what you need too: go phone-free for a few hours or a day and do other things instead, like eating more mindfully, reflecting in your journal, engaging in hobbies, or enjoying deep conversations with someone.
In our article A Guide to Emotions: Basic Questions Answered, we discussed how embracing, being aware of, understanding, and managing our emotions is key to better mental health. Until you befriend your emotions, loving yourself will be a struggle because by ignoring emotions, you ignore the process of learning about what makes you uniquely you and what matters to you— these information are priceless as they help you appreciate yourself more and give you a sense of purpose and motivation to thrive. When you give yourself the chance to thrive (which takes what Brené Brown calls vulnerability and courage)— now that’s what we call an act of self-love.
As you reflect, notice the thoughts you tend to have and what they’re about, how they make you feel, and the overall energy they present in your body. Are they self-defeating thoughts that bring you down; hold you to a certain standard? Do they result in feelings of disappointment, insecurity, shame and loneliness? What kinds of situations, people, or ideas are likely to trigger you into having such thoughts? Which thoughts result in the most intense difficult emotions? Where in your body do you feel those emotions? What can you do to ease those emotions in your body, that’s uniquely calming and soothing to you? As you answer these questions, you’re getting in touch with what you think, feel, and need, thereby opening yourself up to become honest with yourself about what you go through internally. When we’re honest and authentic, we show up for others and let ourselves be seen unapologetically, and doing so is just as important for self-love as accepting difficult emotions is [9].
Mindfulness just means that from one moment to another, you’re always trying to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and surrounding environment in the least judgmental way possible, being a curious observer to what’s inside and outside you in the present [10]. You can practice mindfulness anywhere because it simply involves the act of paying attention to the current moment, whether you’re engaged in a yoga activity, cooking, walking to the shop, eating, listening to music, talking to a friend, praying, or showering. Though mindfulness boasts a lot of benefits including stress reduction, better focus, and increased relationship satisfaction [11], what exactly does mindfulness have to do with self-love? Research shows that practicing mindfulness makes self-love easier as it forces us to become more aware of the thoughts and feelings that lead to the opposite of self-love [12], subsequently getting us to acknowledge that we have them, that we don’t have to hold on to them, and that we can instead choose to pause, breathe, and hold on to thoughts that bring about self-love. One easy way to use mindfulness to increase self-love is to practice the loving-kindness meditation [13]: you can repeat the loving-kindness affirmation to yourself: “May I be safe, peaceful, and free of suffering. May I be happy. May I be healthy [14]”.
There’s a reason why talking to a therapist helps. At the most basic level, feeling like somebody cares about what’s going on in our lives and minds teaches us to believe that we matter and that we are worthy of love. But don’t just limit self-expression to your therapist or to a friend: What else can you do to feel heard and seen for all that you are and all that you’ve been through? You could write poems, letters (just to yourself works too), talk into a recorder, perform prayers, and even dance and draw. Some may express themselves to their pet.
Whatever it is that you’re going through right now and feeling, don’t ever stop being curious about yourself and others (if you want to feel more love for others too). The point is to ask questions that can lead you towards more self-understanding because from there, self-love will follow. Malay people have a saying ‘tak kenal maka tak cinta’, which implies that we can only love something when we get to know it. You are a unique human being in possession of many depths and worthy of your own curiosity and tolerance; so get to know yourself— your habits, desires, triggers, interests, values, and essential needs in order to thrive.
Self-love may not be the most natural thing for humans to do— especially for some more than others— yet it does come with only advantages to our mental wellness and psychological well-being when we give it a try. Really, what’s most important is that we just give it a try, doing so so that we may live with more ease and peace in our hearts.
Resources:
[1] https://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/itf09socemodev.asp (California Department of Education, 2021)
[2] https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-failure-5176202
[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6129379/
[4] https://hbr.org/2020/05/leading-through-anxiety
[5] The Self-Love Workbook: A Life-Changing Guide to Boost Self-Esteem, Recognize Your Worth and Find Genuine Happiness, Shainna Ali
[6] https://www.willowstone.org/news/8-types-of-self-care
[7] https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
[8] https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/01/break
[9] https://mindspo.com/2020/08/10/brene-browns-top-10-rules-for-self-love/
[10] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition
[11] https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/ce-corner
[12] https://www.headspace.com/mindfulness/self-love
[13] https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/loving_kindness_meditation
[14] https://www.healthline.com/health/metta-meditation
Written by :
Lifelong Learner and Mental Health Counselor
Alumni of Boston University, USA, and University of Malaya, Malaysia
5 Reasons to Normalize Reaching Out When We’re in (Emotional) Pain 
Photo by Shoeib Abolhassani on Unsplash
Despite efforts by several local organizations to uphold the legitimacy of mental health, it’s hard to say for sure if we can already call our society one that has done enough to protect and care for the psychological well-being of its people, as testified not just by the ways everyday people like you and me jokingly talk about emotions and in the ways we talk about who (psycho)therapy is for, but by the number of suicide cases that peaked especially during the global COVID-19 pandemic [1] and the general cluelessness of the public when it comes to knowing what to do to make things better for themselves or others who seem to require a professional assessment of their mental health status, even when the alarming truth is that 1 in 3 Malaysians experience mental health struggles [2].
With more and more Malaysians now reaching out for help in the form of crisis calls [3], you’d think that the work of destigmatizing our inborn right to thrive would be over. You’d think that the concept of mental well-being would by now receive the serious attention it deserves. You’d think that more Malaysians would know by now that they can also see counselors and clinical psychologists, not just psychiatrists at hospitals. Indeed, the increase in number of crisis calls reflect a dire need for some kind of solution to the emotional pain, stress, anxiety, and depression Malaysians face silently (after all, a lot has to have happened in order for things to worsen into the crisis stage of things). Right now, we are in need of a collective awakening that recognizes the importance of mental health.
Being in line with what Malaysians need, at Drona Wellness, we believe in mental health as the solution. Pick whichever terminology you will: emotional wellness, mental well-being, psychological well-being, mental stability— but the truth is that until we embrace mental health as part of our basic wellness, we will remain in a state of cluelessness the moment things happen to us, wondering what’s wrong with ourselves and our lives (or for some, what’s wrong with other people), ultimately lacking the opportunity to turn suffering into growth, without all the helpful concepts and tools that would only be within reach when we honor our collective mental health.
In other words, some of the costs of not normalizing reaching out when we’re in emotional pain is that we remain in a state of confusion, hopelessness, frustration, helplessness, and stagnation that only further intensifies any feelings of low self-esteem and isolation [4, 5]. The following are three more reasons to normalize reaching out:
All humans evolved to experience emotions, and emotions give us information about what we’re thinking and needing [6]. Unfortunately, due to emotional neglect and invalidation, many of us have learned to ignore what we’re feeling inside, thereby losing the wonderful opportunity of being able to understand what we need in order to thrive, what may be missing in our lives, what we believe in, what we want, what we are trying to move towards, what makes us us, and even what others need from us [7, 8].
The fact of the matter is that such insightful information goes to waste every time a person in emotional distress hesitates to reach out just because they think doing so is not the norm: Not only does their suffering worsen— they also lose the chance to learn and benefit from their emotions, ultimately losing themselves to their repressed emotions.
When emotional distress isn’t being attended to or dealt with due to stigma, it becomes difficult for us to engage with and respond to other people’s emotions, our emotional detachment essentially ruining our relationships in the long run [9]. The more detached we are from our own uncomfortable emotions, the more emotionally unavailable we become and the less affection we express to others [10].
As a result, we end up letting our pain stop us from being warm and generous with others, even if we never intended to come off as cold and rejecting in the first place. In other words, by not normalizing mental health services such as therapy, we end up letting our pain affect our relationships with others.
Finally, when our emotional pain in response to any life stressor exceeds our ability to cope, we will struggle to do what we’re meant to do in life, such as going to work and enjoying the company of family and friends (unless we normalize getting help, of course). Moreover, when this happens to more and more people, entire communities stop thriving, be it socially or economically.
On a related note, that’s the reason why work-life balance is essential— it ensures we take the time to care for ourselves, which will help us be more resilient in the face of everyday stress.
Takeaway
For now, it would help for us Malaysians to focus on reaching out to as many people as we can to convince them that emotional pain can be a normal part of the human experience— that all that matters is that one gets help— but the catch is that in order to get help, one must reach out. However, people refrain from reaching out for help when they feel afraid and ashamed to. In addition, people need information… ignorance isn’t always bliss!
In this case, the cost of ignoring the reality of the importance of mental health and wellness is chronic, long-term emotional distress that not only affects our self-esteem, relationships, and productivity, but determines our quality of life and our risk factor for developing a mental health disorder.
To reach out, visit any nearby clinics (klinik kesihatan) and obtain a referral to a psychiatrist, clinical psychologist, or counselor at a hospital. Alternatively, you can book a session with a mental health professional.
In addition, consider joining our community of mental health responders and advocates. Not only will you gain confidence in talking about mental health— you’ll also learn how to approach and support someone showing signs of poor mental health, know where to get help & support, implement strategies to maintain your own mental health, and receive practical tips that you can use and pass on to friends, family, colleagues, and team mates. If you’d like someone to give a talk to help improve the personal development of the people at your organization, keynote speaking to normalize help-seeking behavior is also available.
Resources:
[2] https://www.moh.gov.my/moh/modules_resources/english/database_stores/96/337_451.pdf
[3] https://www.thestar.com.my/news/focus/2022/05/22/time-will-heal-us-all
[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1489832/
[6] Coping With Trauma: Hope Through Understanding, Dr. Jon G Allen (book)
[8] https://www.berkeleywellbeing.com/emotional-detachment.html
[9] https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-detachment
[10] Gunther, R. (2020, December 31). The Danger of Emotional Detachment. Psychology Today.
Written by :
Lifelong Learner and Mental Health Counselor
Alumni of Boston University, USA, and University of Malaya, Malaysia
On Gratitude: The Benefits and Challenges of Feeling Thankful + How to Practice Giving Thanks
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash
Giving thanks is a universal phenomenon across world religions and cultures. Just as Americans still celebrate their yearly Thanksgiving, the Sanskrit term Dhanyavāda in Hinduism denotes an expression of thanks often used in meditation or prayer [1], and Muslims believe that god rewards those who serve with gratitude (verse 3:145 of the Quran), not to mention the celebration of the annual Eid al-Adha as a way to both show one’s devotion and appreciation towards god’s blessings. In Hebrew, the word for gratitude is hakarat ha’tov, which literally translates to recognizing the good in one’s life [2].
It’s certainly wonderful that our ancestors understood and cultivated gratitude as part of their lives long before today’s scientists and psychologists began studying gratitude in relation to psychological well-being— this in itself hints at the host of advantages gratitude already bestowed upon those before us. With the advent of psychology and psychotherapy, research now affirms that there is indeed a strong positive association between gratitude and life outcomes such as physical health, relationships, life satisfaction, and subjective well-being [3].
Other benefits of cultivating a sense of gratitude include having a stronger immune system and lower blood pressure (both considered physical benefits), more joy, pleasure, optimism and higher levels of positive emotions (psychological benefits), and a tendency towards prosocial behaviors such as behaving in more compassionate, helpful, forgiving, and generous ways towards others (social benefits), not to mention a shield against burnout [4]. In addition, gratitude itself is a positive emotion whose presence not only naturally keeps away difficult emotions such as envy and resentment, but gives us a kind of perspective that makes us more resilient, confident and feel less lonely in the face of stress [5]. *For more on emotions, check out our guide to emotions.
But what does it really mean to be grateful? For that, we have to turn to the definition of gratitude according to those who study it:
Gratitude is simply defined as the act of taking note that there is in fact good in our lives and simultaneously acknowledging one by one what exactly is good (what exactly we are thankful for), followed by finding an explicit way to communicate such thanks— for instance, by expressing it externally to someone (either in a letter, through text, or face to face) or to god during prayer [6]. The latter is an important component of the definition of gratitude because it reminds us that we are very much dependent on and connected to both others and the circumstances the universe presents to us (think about the person who gave you that opportunity and about how your life would be different without your close friends’ presence).
Truly, gratitude is about realizing how we owe a lot of the things we might be taking for granted to factors outside of ourselves. That being said, gratitude can be a little bit challenging for human beings to practice for a few reasons. Firstly, gratitude demands that we focus on our life as it is and not as we want it to be, which is difficult as human beings tend to fixate on what is lacking, perhaps so that improvements can be made… in other words, total acceptance is necessary for gratitude. Secondly, gratitude asks us to acknowledge what others do or have done for us once we have acknowledged the good things in our lives (review the definition of gratitude in the previous paragraph)… in short, it’s not because we’re so great that we are where we are. Rather, it’s because of those blessings that have come our way whether we really deserve them or not.
Lastly, for those with adverse childhood experiences such as those with a history of complex trauma involving prolonged interpersonal abuse and emotional neglect and invalidation, gratitude might not always make much sense because taking note of, feeling, and expressing thanks could sometimes feel like they are putting into question and discounting what has happened to them in the past, ridiculing the pain of their inner wounded-child so to speak [7].
*If you’d like to reap the benefits of practicing gratitude but struggle practicing it due to difficult past experiences that affect your ability to regulate your emotions and feel safe in your body and mind, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional through psychotherapy first.
Consequently, cultivating a sense of gratitude cannot be the only solution to emotional pain that stems from traumatic experiences, as such experiences require healing processes such as the integration of the self (part of which involves fully facing the reality of past events that affected one’s sense of self) [8] and the active learning and usage of coping and emotional regulation skills, including relaxation skills such as breathing and grounding to calm a dysregulated nervous system. Similarly, gratitude shouldn’t be used to distract us from actual threats and warnings we should take heed of.
Nevertheless, gratitude can still enhance everybody’s lives as it encourages us to pay attention to what is going well— and everybody could use a breather once in a while.
At this point, you might be wondering how you can practice gratitude in order to actually reap the benefits of feeling thankful. Don’t be surprised, as it’s almost too simple to be shared: just do anything that involves the act of you acknowledging your blessings, preferably both to yourself and relevant others: this could involve scheduling a time to sit down and reflect on (on paper or in your head) what you’re grateful for, keeping a gratitude journal, writing to someone to thank them, thanking someone mentally by simply taking note of what they’ve done for you, adding gratitude to your meditation routine by placing your non-judgmental awareness and focus on things you’re grateful for in the present moment (a sense of peace, freedom, the breeze from the fan across your face, being able to breathe well, being alive!), or using prayer to acknowledge and communicate your thanks.
In a nutshell
Without a doubt, gratitude is a prosocial emotion that boosts our moods by forcing us to humbly realize the ways in which we benefit from entities outside of ourselves, whether that’s other people, god, or other unknown forces, which makes for not only less lonely but more optimistic, happier, physically healthier, and more compassionate and satisfied human beings [9].
Before you go, if you’d like emotional support, personal guidance for self-discovery, and motivation to tackle issues that may be holding you back, open yourself up to one of our many well-received programs!
Resources
[1] https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/dhanyavada
[2] https://firmisrael.org/learn/hebrew-word-for-gratitude/
[3] https://news.iu.edu/stories/2020/02/iub/inside/18-joel-wong-tips-for-cultivating-gratitude.html
[4] Chan, D. W. (2011). Burnout and life satisfaction: Does gratitude intervention make a difference among Chinese school teachers in Hong Kong? Educational Psychology, 31(7), 809–823. https://doi.org/10.1080/01443410.2011.608525
[5]https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good
[7] https://cptsdfoundation.org/2021/11/22/gratitude-and-the-trauma-sensitive-approach/
[8] https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types/complex-trauma
[9] https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdf
Written by :
Lifelong Learner and Mental Health Counselor
Alumni of Boston University, USA, and University of Malaya, Malaysia
A Guide to Emotions: Basic Questions Answered
Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash
Written by Iffah Suraya
What is always there with us but remains all too invisible? What do many of us try to suppress, and are typically afraid to let show? What lies behind every good song?
If you ask the singer Morris Albert, he’ll say, “feelings”, and that would be the correct guess!
Why do feelings matter? What’s the difference between feelings and emotions? What do emotions and stress have in common?
How do learning about our emotions help us? What do we do once we have identified what we’re feeling?
In this article, you’ll hear a thing or two about feelings and emotions, and what to do with them— exploring their true roles in your life so that you can use them to guide you instead of suppressing them and letting them slowly destroy you, your everyday life and interactions with other people.
So how do feelings and emotions differ from each other?
Emotions come first: they are what our bodies immediately sense in response to something around us [1]. In other words, emotions refer to the powerful physical sensations that accompany what we feel in our minds, whose job is to naturally drive us to adapt to whatever situation we find ourselves in. On the other hand, feelings are simply our conscious interpretation of what is going on inside of us at any given moment, which makes feelings more of a mental sensation than a physical one. Feelings are the conscious experience of our emotional states.
Whilst emotions are biological, feelings —which are personalized based on our unique past experiences and temperaments— are what happen when we’ve already tried to make sense of what’s going on in our bodies whenever something happens, whether that’s a external real-life situation or an internal one such as thoughts, or memories and images of real or imagined situations. Unfortunately, it has become quite common to use both terms interchangeably. Moods, in turn, are more enduring patterns of emotions and feelings that make us more likely to feel one way or the other, e.g. cheerful, anxious, irritable, or depressed.
To put it even simpler, when we try to pinpoint what may be going on inside ourselves (keyword: emotions!), we’re talking about our feelings, but emotions deeply reflect the full spectrum of our feelings and associated sensations that we almost always have even if we say we’re not feeling anything.
Did you know that we can feel something yet not be aware of ourselves experiencing that emotion?
Dr. Jon Allen, author of Coping With Trauma: Hope Through Understanding, said this about emotions: “we may not always feel them, although others may be affected by them”. Indeed, there are times when we do not realize that we’re angry yet to those around us, we look or sound a little scary. Or there are times we’re actually feeling quite lonely (or bored) but don’t realize it perhaps because we’re so used to being distracted or occupied with something. Or, perhaps we don’t realize we’re feeling scared because we’ve been told many times that it’s not okay for us to feel that way and instead our fear manifests as self-doubt.
But believe it or not, whether we are conscious or unconscious of our feelings and emotions, they exist— and will have an effect on our actions, the way we think about ourselves, situations, and others, and our physical health (emotional regulation mediates the relationship between adverse childhood experiences and physical and mental health) [3] .
On that note, here’s an example of how emotions trigger thoughts: if I feel nervous and I sense my insides pull away from everyone during a group meeting I might start to have thoughts such as ‘I don’t belong here’ or ‘these people don’t want me here’. Moving right along, the international behavior expert Mavis Mazhura wrote that emotions can get in the way or get you on the way…
That is, emotions have the power to dominate the direction of our everyday lives, helping us to continue moving towards our goals OR ruin us by pushing us towards self-sabotaging behaviors such as denying, suppressing or ignoring (blocking out) feelings and blaming ourselves or others during conflicts— which may lead to further misguided efforts at helping ourselves feel better, such as distancing ourselves (isolating) from others for too long, constant stimulation (from work or social media or even “friends”), consuming substances inappropriately (numbing) and more that eventually worsen our relationships with others and our well-being.
Now let’s go back to the example in the previous paragraphs about feeling nervous during a group meeting. The nervousness one feels can lead down different paths depending on what one does with that nervousness: if you suppress the nervousness, without realizing it you may come off as uninterested to your fellow group members which may trigger their disapproval. If you let yourself be entirely consumed by the nervousness without trying to understand it, you may frantically excuse yourself too soon and miss out on ideas discussed between group members during that meeting.
Quite often, the middle path is deemed ideal: whereby you welcome feeling nervous, get curious about what it means that you’re nervous, and decide on what to do to feel less nervous (which usually involves changing your thinking too).
Truly, it’s quite easy to engage in maladaptive coping because many of us may not have developed the capacity to tolerate the full range of emotions (many of which can feel uncomfortably painful) humans are supposed to experience. And when we don’t know what to make of our emotions, they will for sure determine our behaviors without us having any say in it. What we should remind ourselves here is that typically, emotions serve to protect us by pushing us to naturally act in ways that ensure we survive and thrive, such as when we retreat out of fear, stand up for ourselves in anger when we are being oppressed, or reject something out of disgust to keep that thing away from us.
Even being sad serves a function— it makes us take a break to focus on recuperating and reassessing what we need to feel better and pulls people to comfort us, soothing that feeling itself. Certainly, emotions are purposeful, whether we’re talking about pleasant or unpleasant emotions, and we should count ourselves as blessed to be creatures of emotion.
In addition to being directive and purposeful, emotions give us information about what is important to us, what we want, and what we should prioritize, therefore aiding us in making decisions such as what to do for a living, what kind of work environments we’d prefer, and the types of activities and people we prefer to engage in and with.
Emotional regulation refers to the act of doing whatever it takes to make sense of our emotional experience and to ease that experience [4], which includes making sense of the thoughts that trigger our emotions and the thoughts that result from the emotions we have, along with other aspects of our experience such as our impulses, sensations, desires, needs, and deeply-rooted beliefs.
So how can we regulate our emotions? Start by taking ownership of our emotions, trying to make sense of them, understand them, and— soothe/ ease/ moderate them— which can come in the following forms:
Making space for those emotions, reconstructing the thoughts that underlie those emotions, easing the sensations that are a part of those emotions (such as by engaging in deep breathing or grounding), meeting our unmet needs that may have triggered the emotion(s), challenging deeply-rooted beliefs that maintain those emotions, or doing something to improve the situation that triggered the emotion in the first place.
Remember too that the idea behind emotional regulation is to be responsible for the existence of our emotions, not only embracing all of our emotions but using them to understand ourselves and others (the latter is known as empathy)— all of which takes learning and practice. And instead of using words like manage, overcome, or control, regulate may be a more suitable word when talking about how to navigate emotions because we might mistakenly think that emotions can be controlled and pushed away—when the truth is they have to be accepted and then used as information to guide our lives and interactions with others.
To test your understanding of what emotional regulation is, why not try to imagine what it would look like to be emotionally DYS-regulated (which is what happens when we do not regulate our emotions)?
Emotional intelligence, otherwise known as EQ, is our ability to regulate our emotions so that they get expressed appropriately [5], which involves the capacity to be aware of (noticing/ recognizing/ realizing) what we’re feeling, understand what our emotions mean, and use them to the benefit of ourselves and others, or as Psych Central defines it, the ability to understand ourselves emotionally.
Another definition of emotional intelligence proposed by neuroscientist and best-selling author Robert Cooper is that it is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence [6].
Yet another definition of EQ by psychologists Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, creators of the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso EQ Test, is that emotional intelligence is the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
Those who are good at emotional regulation have high emotional intelligence, in which both emotional regulation (a skill) and emotional intelligence (an ability) make their lives and relationships with people more fulfilling because they are able to understand, negotiate with, and work alongside others and deal with conflicts and changes effectively.
Did you know that according to Daniel Goleman, the psychologist who coined the term emotional intelligence, EQ consists of the following five key components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills! (which he outlined in his book “Emotional Intelligence, Why It Can Matter More Than IQ”).
What is the link between emotions and stress? For starters, some emotions are more stressful to experience than others, typically difficult emotions such as anxiety (worry), fear, frustration, sadness, loneliness, anger, and shame, most especially when we are left without any sources of comfort or ideas on how to work around these emotions [7]. When we don’t try to or don’t know how to engage in emotional regulation, we are predisposing ourselves to a perpetual state of distress, which can lead to chronic stress if prolonged, affecting our mental and physical health.
Stress is a physiological response; a state of being; a process that goes on in the body and mind that pushes us to retreat or attack; flee or fight, and in some cases, remain stuck, frozen, and helpless [8]. Know this: What we do with our emotions— especially in critical moments when we’re triggered— will determine whether our stress increases or decreases. For example, if we give our partner the cold shoulder when we’re frustrated and overwhelmed with work, they might react with annoyance, which might in turn cause us to feel rejected and hence we withdraw, feeling lonely, which can be stressful.
Similarly, if they react with disappointment, we may later feel intense guilt. Either way, if we had paused to take note of our frustration in response to our demanding work in the first place, we might have been able to find out what we can do to help ourselves feel less frustrated, which will inevitably reduce our stress levels (and spare our intimate relationship from being threatened, in this case).
Indeed, according to the Dalai Lama and Dr. Paul Ekman, a good way to manage stress is to learn about emotions and to recognize and accept emotions, allowing yourself to be “aware” of what you feel [9], reminding yourself that you have feelings, which aren’t good or bad and simply serve a function. The function being to tell you about what you need to survive and thrive and what is important to you at the moment.
Dr. Gabor Mate, author of When the Body Says No, agrees: if we do not identify and understand our emotions, we eventually become helpless and remain stressed over time (see Chapter 3 of his book).
Although they can feel overwhelming and seem irrational, emotions are almost always useful. So what can we do with them when we feel them in our minds and bodies? Start by acknowledging the existence of our emotions with an attitude of being openly curious about what they are signaling, and if we have to, proceed to tame them (reducing their intensity) with the practice of coping strategies such as doing deep breathing in a mindfulness-inspired manner and such as *reframing our thoughts to become more helpful, reassuring, and self-enhancing — knowing too that labeling what we’re feeling — being aware of— our emotions is a coping strategy in itself; the very first.
*If you can, try to sense the thoughts that accompany your feelings and reflect on your thoughts: how accurate and evidence-based are they? How could your thoughts reflect reality more accurately? What specific things, situations, and behaviors of others seem to precipitate your feelings? These are your emotional triggers, sometimes called stressors.
Whether we like it or not, emotions, as complex as they may seem, are here to stay. They’re an in-built part of our physiology, a response to threat (real or imagined; internal or external; past or present), in addition to being informative, purposeful, and also universal and social. Without the guidance of our emotions, we wouldn’t intuitively know what mattered to us and what to give our attention to, which would make it hard for us to make important decisions.
Besides, without an acknowledgment of and understanding of our emotions and the emotions of others, we wouldn’t be able to form and maintain attachments because we would lack emotional responsiveness. Furthermore, emotional regulation, emotional intelligence, and knowing how emotions are tied to stress are all essential to both relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being. Let’s give ourselves a chance to live with more ease and fulfillment with the guidance of emotions.
Allow me to end with the quote below:
‘When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves’ (Jess C. Scott).
To learn how to use the feelings wheel to develop emotional literacy, watch this video by Joshua Freedman. Alternatively, exploring the Atlas of Emotions developed by Dr. Paul Ekman and the Dalai Lama can improve your emotional competence too.
Most of all, if you’d like to proactively increase your emotional literacy and boost your emotional competence, schedule a session with us. In case you’re still wondering what therapy’s for and need a little more information, read our article on psychotherapy: why it matters, what it’s really about, and what it can do for you. If you’re an Instagram user, check out Drona Wellness on Instagram and while you’re at it, follow us too. To include the benefits of gratitude in your life today, check this out.
Resources
[1] Freedman, Joshua. CEO at Six Seconds. (2022, August 26). Emotion, feeling, mood: What’s the difference? Six Seconds. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://www.6seconds.org/2017/05/15/emotion-feeling-mood/
[2] Allen, J. G. (2008). Coping with trauma: Hope through understanding. American Psychiatric Publishing, Inc.
[3] Cloitre, M., Khan, C., Mackintosh, M. A., Garvert, D. W., Henn-Haase, C. M., Falvey, E. C., & Saito, J. (2019). Emotion regulation mediates the relationship between ACES and physical and mental health. Psychological trauma : theory, research, practice and policy, 11(1), 82–89. https://doi.org/10.1037/tra0000374
[4] Lebow, H. I. (2022, April 12). Emotion Management Strategies: 6 methods to try. Psych Central. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-manage-your-emotions#what-is-self-regulation
[5] Cassata, C. (2021, September 27). The benefits of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) at work. Psych Central. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-benefits-of-emotional-intelligence
[6] Tredgold, G. (2016, August 4). 55 inspiring quotes that show the importance of emotional intelligence. Inc.com. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://www.inc.com/gordon-tredgold/55-inspiring-quotes-that-show-the-importance-of-emotional-intelligence.html
[7] Emotional stress: Warning signs, management, when to get help. Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.). Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/6406-emotional-stress-warning-signs-management-when-to-get-help#:~:text=Worry%2C%20fear%2C%20anger%2C%20sadness,this%20stress%20has%20become%20unhealthy
[8] Elizabeth Scott, P. D. (2022, August 8). How is stress affecting my health? Verywell Mind. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/stress-and-health-3145086
[9] Design, S. (n.d.). The ekmans’ atlas of emotion. The Ekmans’ Atlas of Emotions. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from http://atlasofemotions.org/
[10] Six SecondsSix Seconds supports people to create positive change – everywhere… all the time. Founded in 1997. (2022, July 22). Plutchik’s wheel of emotions: Feelings wheel. Six Seconds. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://www.6seconds.org/2022/03/13/plutchik-wheel-emotions/
[11] https://modeststar.medium.com/books-to-read-throughout-your-mental-health-journey-c87808ff5eff
[12] Cherland E. (2004). The Development of Emotional Competence. The Canadian child and adolescent psychiatry review, 13(4), 121.
[13] (SBCS), S. B. C. S. (2022, July 18). The 7 A’s of healing. Space Between Counseling Services. Retrieved September 8, 2022, from https://www.spacebetweencounselingservices.com/new-blog/the7as
Written by :
Lifelong Learner and Mental Health Counselor
Alumni of Boston University, USA, and University of Malaya, Malaysia
Do you see food as a reward and exercise as a punishment for what you ate?
If you do, remind yourself of the 80/20 rule, NO quick fixes.
Let’s focus on the bigger percentage, Food & Nutrition first. The effective management of food intake and nutrition are both key to health gain. Smart nutrition and food choices can help prevent disease. Isn’t prevention better than cure? Eating the right foods including fats, proteins, and carbohydrates is required. Maintaining key vitamins and minerals is also important to maintaining good health. It can help your body cope more successfully with an ongoing illness. It is important to focus on health gain because weight loss or weight gain will happen accordingly. Hence, let’s focus on making ourselves fit and not thin or slim. Food and nutrition are the way that we get fuel, providing energy for our bodies. Water is an important component of nutrition, not carbonated drinks or juices. Let’s discuss the healthiest way to eat by picking foods that are balanced for health gain.
Alarming numbers!
If you’re a parent, read this
11.5% of children below 18 years old were obese in Malaysia’s National Health and Morbidity Survey 2015, and 1.65 million school children are expected to be overweight or obese by 2025.
A balanced healthy diet
A healthy diet includes a lot of real food. A sizeable portion of a healthy diet should consist of fruits and vegetables, especially ones that are red, orange, or dark green (rainbow colors). If you feel lost, think of this plate here. Whole grains, such as whole wheat and rice, should also play a part in your diet. For students, dairy products should be full-fat. Protein can consist of lean meat and poultry, seafood, eggs, beans, legumes, and soy products such as tofu, as well as unsalted seeds and nuts.
A balanced healthy diet also involves avoiding salt which is used heavily in processed foods. Time to switch to an unprocessed diet. Fried food, solid fats, and trans fats found in margarine and processed foods can be harmful to heart health. Refined grains (white flour) and refined sugar (table sugar, high fructose corn syrup) are also bad for long-term health, especially in people with diabetes or a high risk of diabetes.
However, in Malaysia, the overconsumption of sugar, which is the simplest form of carbohydrates is causing a high prevalence of overweight and obesity problems. According to World Health Organization, no more than 6 teaspoons (40g) of added sugar consumption daily. When you think you are eating healthy by having fruits, check how much ‘Assam’ and sugar is sprinkled on your guava. So all you have to do is follow these simple recommendations to work on healthy habits, small changes can make a huge impact.
Meal preparation
It should offer maximum nutritional benefits for minimal calories. Your meals should be packed with vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. Real foods could be as simple as Moong Dal, Banana, mango, cucumber, jackfruit, moringa drumsticks, and coconut. (which are mostly available under RM10). They are packed with nutrients and are fresher and have traveled way less to reach us. It’s easily available and humans tend to not value something easily available. Blue Berries picked up in Europe reaching you after 2 months is less than 50% in nutrition. So, next, when you are preparing a meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, you can plan and refrigerate fruits, vegetables, and even nuts as a healthy snack option. Remember to eat local, not low cal (calories)
Use herbs and spices
Pack your food with a good number of herbs and spices. Learn to cook with your family with onions, garlic, ginger, black pepper, curry, turmeric, and all the nice spices you can think of. The special ability of spices is to fight infections which will ultimately help you keep those diseases at bay.
Take care of your gut health
Did you know that 80% of our health gain is located in our digestive system? Imagine, in that case, how important it is to keep a healthy gut. When your gut is healthy, you have a large number of probiotics thriving in there. And these probiotics are the good bacteria that you get from whole and fermented foods (Dosa, Idli, Tempeh), yogurt, kefir, or in the form of prebiotic and probiotic supplements. Gut health helps you with your brain health.
Exercise!
80% food AND 20% Exercise not or! Exercising is not only a great way to get in shape, but it also improves our immunity, enhances the quality of sleep, and makes our body fit. If you are too busy or have no time at hand, take out just 15 minutes of your day and have a quick exercise session. But please do not give yourself excuses for not exercising. Exercise should not be a punishment for whatever you have eaten. Go for a walk, Do that yoga, dance! Do anything you like but please exercise, and challenge your body. It helps remove toxins and keeps you energetic and will contribute to disseminating proteins from your food intake.
In summary, we must practice the recommendations of healthy eating by controlling our portions and even remind our family and friends too. Parents play a key role in making healthier food choices for their family members. Choose foods and meals that are low in sugar, salt, fats, and oil. Instead opt for more local fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Remember healthy eating for health gain isn’t just reducing or cutting out any single food or nutrient. Healthy eating is a package. There are many high-quality, free guidelines available on www. nutrition.moh.gov.my for healthy eating plans that give more details on portion size, total calorie consumption, what to eat more of, and what to eat less of to get healthy and stay that way.
Remember 80%: Food & Nutrition
AND
20%: Exercise … No quick fixes
Did you know?
A Health Ministry survey shows that 40% of Malaysian women who had anemia were of Indian ethnicity, with Dr. Lee saying this could be because there were more vegetarians in that community. Hence, those who are at risk of anemia are advised to avoid coffee and caffeine at mealtimes and wait at least one hour after a meal before consumption. Still not sure where to start? Set an appointment with a dietitian.
Written by :
Drona Dewi
CEO & Founder of Drona Wellness
Certified Mental Health Response Instructor
Biotechnologist
Disclaimer: The information is provided by Drona Dewi, a mental fitness coach who is from a biotechnology background, and a lifestyle researcher. Certified mental health first aider by Malaysian Mental Health Association and Certified Mental health response Instructor by Mental health Management, Australia. The information is NOT intended to be and should be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional medical advice.
References:
https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition#Good
http://nutrition.moh.gov.my/
Helping You Make Sense of Psychotherapy: Why It Matters, What It’s About, and What It Can Do For You
Not many know what psychotherapy is and what it can do. Yet psychotherapy has the potential to result in positive, detectable changes in brain structure and function that make for better mental health [1]. It is clear too that psychotherapy enhances our socio-emotional development which is necessary for us to thrive as individuals and as social creatures: due to a lack of a sense of safety, predictability, and responsiveness growing up, many of us may not have had the chance to actually learn to experience, express, and manage our emotions— and essentially grow up without support for emotional regulation [2].
Thankfully, psychotherapy can teach us how to regulate our emotions by getting us to verbally express our emotions and interpret them, and to logically reason through the thoughts that underlie those emotions (emotion and cognition come together to influence our behavior, learning, and decision-making) [3] . *For more information on emotions, read our guide to emotions.
Allow me to make yet another case for psychotherapy: Life can be challenging with the kinds of demands placed on us and roles we have to play, and even more so for people predisposed to developing mental health conditions. For these people, their lack of self-esteem puts them at risk [4] for all sorts of negative life outcomes such as depression, loneliness, addiction problems, dissatisfying friendships and romantic relationships and impaired academic and job performance, so much so that their quality of life deteriorates (and unfortunately, there is a significant relationship between having a poor quality of life and being at risk for suicide [5] ). Equally importantly, these people can be you and me at some point in our lives, depending on our risk factors for developing a mental health disorder……
What these people may need is a special kind of help we call psychotherapy (ta-da!) so that they can a) deal with their symptoms of stress, anxiety, or depression with both more confidence and skill, which would inevitably give them a stronger sense of being in control of their life (one of the factors of psychological well-being according to Carol Ryff [6]), and b) function in their everyday roles as workers, students, and members of families and communities…
That’s how important psychotherapy is— it benefits not just individuals but society at large. When people are too dysregulated, burnout, anxious or depressed to do work and interact to get along with others, society as a whole cannot function.
And although not everyone will experience a mental health disorder, almost everyone will experience challenges to their psychological well-being, such as:
All of these challenges are threats to our psychological well-being [7]— all reasons to choose psychotherapy too.
But what is psychotherapy? Psychotherapy, in fact, is talk therapy: the counselor/ clinical psychologist/psychiatrist engages in a dialogue with the client about the client’s problems and how to fix them (APA, 2020); it’s a process of engagement between two people—a collaborative process that involves both the therapist and the client in co-constructing solutions to concerns (Corey, 2012).
Throughout this collaborative process, the therapist focuses on utilizing various theories of psychotherapy to guide them in understanding their clients & what they’re going through and in developing treatment plans to whatever ails them. Sometimes, these theories are called approaches. Therapists such as counselors, clinical psychologists, and certain psychiatrists use psychological and counseling theories and approaches in a structured manner based on their education, training, work experience, and personal preferences; and most therapists use more than one approach, tailoring their use of the approach to each client’s individual personality and the concerns presented by each client.
Many specific approaches exist within psychotherapy, yet the main approaches can be described as follows: psychodynamic (includes psychoanalysis), humanistic (includes Rogerian/ person-centered therapy, Gestalt therapy, and existential therapy), cognitive (includes stress inoculation training, schema therapy), behavioral (such as conditioning, modeling, & systematic desensitization), cognitive-behavioral (includes CBT and REBT), postmodern [8] (solution-focused therapy, narrative therapy, reality therapy), and third-wave mindfulness (ACT, DBT, MBCT) approaches to therapy. As such, you’ll find that different therapists carry out therapy sessions differently, based on the combination of approaches they prefer.
Though what actually happens during psychotherapy, you wonder? What gets talked about in talk therapy, in other words? None other than what troubles the client. Issues brought up by clients can range from poor self-esteem, problems with managing stress and regulating emotions, relationship dissatisfaction, inability to cope with anxiety and depression, body image struggles, eating disorders, to challenges leading a healthy lifestyle that includes a work-life balance [9]. More specifically, these issues are assessed in relation to the client’s thoughts, emotions, behaviors, & beliefs, looking at how these can be understood, resolved, or coped with so that the client feels more calm and empowered in the face of daily struggles.
Thus, essentially, that’s what psychotherapy can do for you: improve your thoughts, feelings, & behaviors, enhance your relationship with yourself & others and transform your relationship to stress and anxiety, thereby helping you to derive more pleasure from every day and to live with ease — whatever you happen to be struggling with.
Resources
[1] The Science of the Art of Psychotherapy, Allan Schore (2012)
[2] https://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/itf09socemodev.asp
[4] https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00698/full
[6] https://livingmeanings.com/six-criteria-well-ryffs-multidimensional-model/
[7] https://youth.gov/youth-topics/youth-mental-health/risk-and-protective-factors-youth
[9] https://dronawellness.com/work-life-balance-for-our-mental-health-is-it-really-important/
Additional Resources:
a) https://www.apa.org/topics/psychotherapy/understanding
b) Corey, Gerald. Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy, Cengage Learning Custom Publishing, 2012.
Written by :
Lifelong Learner and Mental Health Counselor
Alumni of Boston University, USA, and University of Malaya, Malaysia
The Biggest Myth Ever: “You’ve Got to Love Yourself First, Only Then Will Others Love You”You and I hear that a lot: people reminding us to love ourselves in order to be loved by others.
What’s the logic behind that? I presume it’s that when we love ourselves, we accept every part of us and refrain from being critical of ourselves, which makes us act in upbeat, cheerful, and open ways, making others unafraid to approach us and feel drawn to our energy and our positive spirit.
In reality though, no one is going to act in 100% self-accepting ways 100% of the time: people’s faith are tested, daily stress gets at us, memories of past events influence how we interpret our worth, and it may be the case that our needs simply aren’t met. Viewed in this light, how in the world can any human being accomplish the act of feeling okay about themselves?—human beings are anxious creatures who are easily threatened by the past, present, and future. Our heads are bound to feel messed up.
So it’s unfair to tell people that the moment that moment comes—when they ‘love themselves’ (whatever that means!)—that they will get the love they want, whatever kind of love that may be. That moment will never come because human beings will forever be in a struggle to love themselves, especially those with a history of psychological trauma. Are you saying that people with a history of psychological trauma don’t deserve love?
Dear supporters of the “you’ve got to love yourself first” precept: don’t for a second think that seemingly ‘unlovable’ people don’t try to love themselves. They try, everyday. They want to, badly. They struggle. Just because they don’t utter the words “I love myself” it doesn’t mean they don’t: we all know how actions speak louder than words. Besides, the “you’ve got to love yourself first” precept assumes that we have total control over whether other people choose to love us or not—it’s simple isn’t it? Just love yourself and someone will love you. Here, again, is another example of human beings being drawn to oversimplified ways of understanding the world…Perhaps it’s because the prospect that people might still choose not to love us despite everything we do is just plain scary—to those who believe in the “you’ve got to love yourself first” precept, especially.
And even if you love yourself, a person might not love you, because whether or not that someone loves you also has a lot to do with that person—why do we forget this?
So dear supporters of the “you’ve got to love yourself first” precept: think harder, or perhaps wider!
I’ll end this with Ne-Yo’s song’s lyrics, which reminds us that perhaps love is about loving people who need it, not loving people because they are good enough for it: Song link here https://youtu.be/IEA5KPZ2dJk
Much as you blame yourself, you can’t be blamed for the way that you feel Had no example of a love that was even remotely real
How can you understand something that you never had
Ooh baby if you let me, I can help you out with all of that
Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself Girl let me love you
And all your trouble
Don’t be afraid, girl let me help
That being said, practicing self-love, no matter how hard for some of us, can be beneficial. Here are 7 simple ways you can love yourself.
Written by :
Counselor
Work-Life Balance for our Mental Health – is it really important?“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control how you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is”
– The Minds Journal
In our lives, we have all kinds of priorities, obligations, relationships, interests, and activities that compete for our time. We have the things that we must do, like going to work, caring for others, and having personal commitments. We also have routines we enjoy that make us happy, like spending time with family and friends, working on a hobby, or playing sports. Work-Life Balance is how we do the things we have to do and the things we want to do without changing the number of hours in the day.
Recently, PM Ismail Sabri announced that offices in Malaysia can now operate at 100% capacity. PM noted these decisions were made based on the current risk assessment discussed by the Ministry of Health (MOH, or Kementerian Kesihatan) and the National Security Council (Majlis Keselamatan Negara). This guideline covers all schools under MOE. In this new norm, MOE responsibly completed this difficult task, and what brought to attention as a mental fitness coach is the advice that counseling teachers have to regularly conduct a Healthy Mind Test to identify students who are depressed by the new norms in the school. Indeed, this is a crucial test that we can’t take for granted because mental health matters. Everyone matters.
However, for those working in corporates, the covid-19 pandemic has caused pressure from all angles. With uncertainty in our economy and pressure to stay employed, many people are experiencing mental health issues like never before, especially at the workplace. Employers need to relook and improve their working environments to prioritize the overall well-being of their employees. What’s more, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that poor mental health and stress can affect an employee’s job performance, productivity, relationship with co-workers, and overall physical functions. This is why companies need to develop a ‘workplace mental health response plan’ and conduct mental health awareness talks. Such a program can help identify those who may need treatment and professional help, directly normalizing a help-seeking behavior. If you feel like you have no control in your life and if you run out of energy to concentrate on your productivity, these work-life balance steps and tips might be of help for a start.
Why does balance matter?
Do you generally feel well and capable when you feel overwhelmed? Most of you would say that the opposite is true. And this stress can be harmful. It can:
What does balance look like?
A big part of balance is deciding what tasks or activities are priorities and what tasks or activities aren’t important or can wait. Of course, there are things that you really must do—your employers expect you to complete work on time, and you need to eat and maintain to stay healthy, and you may provide care for others, like your other siblings or aged parents.
Some people may prefer …
While others may prefer …
What can you do about it?
Working toward a work-life balance can be as simple as prioritizing your wellness. What it means is your obligations to your well-being are just as important as your obligations to your employer, family members, and any others who expect your time.
A big part of finding balance and setting priorities is learning to say No. At some point, most of us have agreed to take on an obligation when we didn’t have the time or energy for it. ‘Yes’ may seem like an easier response, but it doesn’t help anyone. Learning how to say no is a real skill that takes practice. It’s called assertiveness. Assertiveness means that you’re honest about your feelings and needs while respecting others. It’s an incredibly powerful tool for wellness.
Unfortunately, people sometimes view the priority of self-care as selfish or indulgent because it’s so helpful. People who prioritize their wellness tend to feel better about themselves (of course). They also tend to have better relationships, better productivity at work, and stronger abilities to handle problems as they come up.
Realistically, balance isn’t something that people achieve in a single day. It’s something that you achieve over time and you have to be mindful of it. It’s still important to take time for yourself, but you may find it difficult to fit everything into your day. That’s okay—as long as you have a routine that gives you time for other important pieces in a reasonable period.
Step 1: For the Body
Step 2: For the Mind
Step 3: For the Soul
According to the 2019 National Health and Morbidity Survey (NHMS), every three in 10 adults aged 16 years and above in Malaysia suffers from some form of mental health issue.
In addition, many are feeling anxious about the Covid-19 pandemic, as the situation does not appear to be improving.
A good way forward to seek mental health services is through a reliable online platform, where patients can communicate with trained general practitioners (GPs), who can refer them to psychologists or psychiatrists as necessary.
By doing so, people can relate their symptoms and receive advice from a doctor remotely.
Written by :
CEO & Founder of Drona Wellness
Certified Mental Health Response Instructor
Biotechnologist
Disclaimer: The information is provided by Drona Dewi, a mental fitness coach who is from a biotechnology background, and a lifestyle researcher. Certified mental health first aider by Malaysian Mental Health Association and Certified Mental health response Instructor by Mental health Management, Australia. The information is NOT intended to be and should be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional medical advice.
References:
Digital Detox for better Mental Health
If you are rarely parted from your smartphone or gadgets and you’re always feeling the urge to check it (even when you know deep down you haven’t got any new notifications or messages!), you should be aware that it’s a negative sign on your mental health. Movement control order (MCO) has increased stresses linked to technology in many ways. It’s therefore really important to think about technology’s place in your self-care plans. During MCO, we were all forced to attend lessons and complete homework with our gadgets, now is the best time to do yourself a favor, go on a digital detox and reconnect within and with people around you.
According to research, the average person checks their phone up to 10,000 times a year. That’s 28 times a day or more than once every single hour. There can be a few factors involved in this, including Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) on news or notifications and getting dopamine (hormone) rush similar to fuelling an addiction whenever our phone pings with something new. A digital detox of 24 hours (or longer) can have lots of well-being benefits. Lower stress levels, sleeping better and a stronger focus on studies are just a few examples of the mental perks you are likely to gain from switching off completely from your digital life for a day or so regularly. And that’s got to be a whole lot better for your wellbeing, to focus fully on yourself and where you missed out in your lessons and catching up with loved ones.
People, who meet the government’s recommended 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise per week are 30 percent less likely to suffer a depressive episode in the future?
Over time, the future of healthcare will see digital detox and exercise prescribed as a safe, effective intervention for many conditions. Don’t miss out, you may start self-prescribing today. Whether you or someone you know is struggling with devices or simply want to increase your emotional resilience, get into action by the surprising fact that one needs to look for an alternative. Have a technology-free hour: Once you’ve built up to going for an hour without using any form of technology, pick an hour every day where you’ll switch off, step away from all of your devices and enjoy life. An hour is your first goal but big bonus points if you can work up to having a tech ‘blackout’ for a whole weekend! If you are contemplating getting started, have a look at this self-help worksheet attached.
| DIGITAL DETOX | MOVE MORE | ||
| “Me time” daily 5 mins (involves only you) | Walk 10,000 steps daily | ||
| Phone free day once a week | Do a form of strength training twice a week | ||
| Start writing. Keep a gratitude journal. | 10 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, 20 lunges, 20-star jumps – form a circuit repeat 3x | ||
| Pick a hobby without gadgets | Morning walks 20mins. Never underestimate the power of the morning sun | ||
| Meal time without gadgets | Wake up your glutes with yoga, stretching, and lifting your body weight count to w100 | ||
Written by :
CEO & Founder of Drona Wellness
Certified Mental Health Response Instructor
Biotechnologist
Disclaimer: The information is provided by Drona Dewi, a mental fitness coach who is from a biotechnology background, and a lifestyle researcher. Certified mental health first aider by Malaysian Mental Health Association and Certified Mental health response Instructor by Mental health Management, Australia. The information is NOT intended to be and should be relied upon as a substitute for specific professional medical advice.