You may ask why choose such an odd title for a blog post? What comes to mind when you think of colourful confetti? Happy thoughts, joy and laughter…..but the confetti that I am about to dive into isn’t all that colourful…..or is it? Recently and also about 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Although I have medical knowledge, a mental health advocate and a certified mental health responder. I am not going to talk about what the disorder is but I will tell you what I went through and how rough it was on me.
In June 2020, I was hospitalized in the psychiatrist ward for 10 days due to aggressive behaviour, disorganized thoughts and behaviours and having delusions, hearing voices that were not there.
The reason I called this colourful brain confetti is because that was how my brain behaved. Colourful and all mixed up like confetti, a mess…..it may sound like vivid imagination….my brain used to make up little creative stories and link them to everything that was going on around me, I was in a state of confusion. I was in a mess. I could not differentiate between fantasy and reality as there was a very thin line separating the two. I used to think I was the reason behind everything, including Covid, everyone was talking about me including the radio DJ’s who probably didn’t know of my existence.
At the time, I just was so confused, I wish my family understood the reason behind my frustration. I was in the hospital not knowing what I did that landed me there. It was at the peak of Covid and family members were not allowed visits due to restrictions. I was crying a lot thinking that my family had abandoned me when they didn’t wanted my family to know how much I love them and things were not in my control.
To the doctors, who treated me while I was there. I wish to thank them for correctly diagnosing me and bringing me back to my normal state. Although I have to take medication for life now, I still find it better than having to go back to the mess I was in.
I do hope that I find a guy who loves me someday and brings out the best in me and stays even when he sees the worst in me.
My message to all readers out there, as a survivor and fellow mental health advocate is: It takes sunshine and rain to make a rainbow, so put up with the rain with hopes of experiencing sunshine and eventually you will get to your rainbow.
Drona Wellness would like to thank the writer for sharing her experiences and resonating with our views on normalising a help seeking behaviour. Despite, being on medication for life, she took it in a very positive way of celebrating life. Again, we apologise that if it might have triggered her at some point walking down this emotionally painful memory lane. It must have been a tough journey sharing her mess into a message. We also wish the writer the best of finding the love of her life. Let’s pray for the cupid to do their job soonest!
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