You may ask why choose such an odd title for a blog post? What comes to mind when you think of colourful confetti? Happy thoughts, joy and laughter…..but the confetti that I am about to dive into isn’t all that colourful…..or is it? Recently and also about 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Although I have medical knowledge, a mental health advocate and a certified mental health responder. I am not going to talk about what the disorder is but I will tell you what I went through and how rough it was on me.
In June 2020, I was hospitalized in the psychiatrist ward for 10 days due to aggressive behaviour, disorganized thoughts and behaviours and having delusions, hearing voices that were not there.
The reason I called this colourful brain confetti is because that was how my brain behaved. Colourful and all mixed up like confetti, a mess…..it may sound like vivid imagination….my brain used to make up little creative stories and link them to everything that was going on around me, I was in a state of confusion. I was in a mess. I could not differentiate between fantasy and reality as there was a very thin line separating the two. I used to think I was the reason behind everything, including Covid, everyone was talking about me including the radio DJ’s who probably didn’t know of my existence.
At the time, I just was so confused, I wish my family understood the reason behind my frustration. I was in the hospital not knowing what I did that landed me there. It was at the peak of Covid and family members were not allowed visits due to restrictions. I was crying a lot thinking that my family had abandoned me when they didn’t wanted my family to know how much I love them and things were not in my control.
To the doctors, who treated me while I was there. I wish to thank them for correctly diagnosing me and bringing me back to my normal state. Although I have to take medication for life now, I still find it better than having to go back to the mess I was in.
I do hope that I find a guy who loves me someday and brings out the best in me and stays even when he sees the worst in me.
My message to all readers out there, as a survivor and fellow mental health advocate is: It takes sunshine and rain to make a rainbow, so put up with the rain with hopes of experiencing sunshine and eventually you will get to your rainbow.
“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.” — John Green